My Deadly Sins
by AndreaLion
Summary: Edward ponders the deadly sins he's committed that surround Bella. I really don't know how to summarize this in a way to fully explain it, its very short so it wont take too long to read, basically what goes on in his head; his inner conflicts.


**Disclaimer: **I wish I was Stephenie Meyer, but unfortunately I don't own Twilight.

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As if it weren't enough to behold this damned existence. My immortal life, a curse that still haunts me 90 years later. Beside that fact I have committed the 7 deadly sins. All of them in the time that I have know _Bella._

**_Anger_** at myself, for letting myself succumb to my own selfish needs and let myself endanger and ruin _Bella_'s life.

_**Jealousy**_ at my brothers simple way of being able to show their love. To be able to make love to their partners without the fear of killing them, Not having to be the one to make the decision on changing their loved one into a _Vampire_. On how they just fell in love with someone like them instead of their complete opposite. _Jealousy at humans_. How Emmet would have fun teasing me about that one. Though we both know that most of us would do anything to become human again. How simple and innocent their lives can be. Not always having the temptation of feeding on the blood of others. If _Bella_ had fallen in love with a human her life would have been so much more simpler. Her life would never have to be endangered just by my very existence. The pull for her blood almost as strong as my love for her. _Almost._ That was what consoled me everyday and kept me on track and how I wanted nothing more for Bella's happiness.

_**Sloth**_, well maybe that would be the only one that i didn't break.

_**Pride**_ at the simplest things like _not_ killing _Bella._ What kind of achievement was that. What kind of sick person was I to feel proud of myself every day for for not killing the most important person to me.

_**Glutton**_ well not in the way it was intended. But how I always had to quench my thirst to keep _Bella_ alive. That's the only one I don't regret.

_**Greed **_at how I wanted _Bella _all to myself. I wanted to be her one and only. She thought me so unselfish and I would always tell to spend more time with her other friends, but I wanted her to _only_ think of me, be with me, and only love me. I knew it was wrong. I was completely wrong for her. She _should_ get away from me. I would dread the day she did, but I knew she never would.

Oh, and let's not forget this one.

_**Lust**_. How at every moment I wanted to give in to her pleas. I wanted to be the one to take her virginity, I wanted her to be the one to take mine. How just the thought of her got me aroused. Her beauty and splendor all pulled me in. I_ craved_ her, I _needed_ her. But I could never give in. She laughed at how I wanted to protect _our_ virtue, but it was important to me. She sometimes forgot that even though we were in this era I was from another. Besides that, no, _more_ importantly, I risked taking her life making love to her while she was still human. How could it be that I would give anything that she wanted to her and she had to choose that to ask of me. I had no idea how to sway her mind on that. She was so stubborn. I loved her so and I knew that I would do it because as much as I told her no, in my mind a sick part of me wanted to do it while she was human to make love to the warm human _Bella_. I knew that I'd do whatever she asked of me even if it meant walking into a ring of fire. _I loved her._

I sometimes wondered how I could be damned and still have this perfect angel love _me._

I was pulled out of my reveries by the thoughts of some boy,

_What's with Edward Cullen. He's acting stranger than usual. Ha, who'd think it possible._

I looked around trying to remember where I was. Oh, i'd been so lost in my thoughts that i'd forgotten that i was still in class. Bella was staring at me, she looked pointedly at my hands. I was holding the edge of the table in a ironclad grip. I could tell it was about to give, I released the table and made sure that no one was still looking. I paid attention for the rest of the class, not that I needed to.

"So, what were you thinking about?" Bella asked nonchalantly.

I stayed quiet, she gave me a knowing look.

"Such the worrier" she said as she slipped her hand into mine

It was so easy to forget about my problems when I was with her. I might as well give in.


End file.
